Harry Potter and the Pains of Existence
by Trance1861
Summary: Harry tries to deal with the pains in his life. (Warning: Some scenes of child abuse)
1. Why?

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K Rowling. I don't think I will be creating any new characters in this story but if I do they are mine and please ask for permission before using them.  
  
Author's note: This is my first Harry Potter fanfic so reviews are appreciated so I know whether or not to continue the story. If you want to send me an email my address is Trance1861@yahoo.com.  
  
Harry Potter and the Pains of Existence  
  
By Trance 1861  
  
Harry lay in his bed, afraid to close his eyes because he knew he would see, within the darkness of his dreams, Cedric. Cedric, lying on the ground, eyes dead and cold. In his head he knew that Cedric's death was not his fault. He did not mean for Cedric to die. It was Voldemort's fault. His heart, well his heart was another story. He didn't know Cedric that well or anything but he knew he was a good person. A good person who died at the hands of Voldemort.  
  
When he had found out he was a wizard 4 years ago he was so happy. Just think of all the possibilities magic opens up. He never thought of all the destruction magic can do. How with one flick of a wand someone could lay dead.  
  
Of course Harry did not remember much of his parents since they died while he was so young. But every time he closed his eyes he would see them, dead like Cedric. Eyes, that once shone with happiness and love, now empty.  
  
He wiped the tears off his face. He hated the nighttime. At least during the day his chores kept his mind off of these things. He looked at the clock. In about an hour the Dursley's would be getting up. "Today is going to be a long day," Harry thought. He had not gotten much sleep lately and it seemed as though each and every day he was losing more and more energy. And the chores kept piling up.  
  
Harry was pulled from his thoughts when Vernon Dursley screamed for him to come down to breakfast. Harry sat at the table and hungrily ate his slice of grapefruit. The night before Dudley had accused Harry of doing magic, probably just to get him in trouble, and he was sent to bed with no supper. Although Ron and Hermione had sent some food, cakes and stuff, he longed for a real meal. After all, even a teen-age boy can only survive so long on junk food.  
  
SMACK "BOY Listen to me when I talk to you!" Vernon Dursley screamed after slapping Harry upside the head, "Now, we are having company over later so you need to stay in your room and be VERY quite. One peep and I swear you will wish you died with your parents, those stupid freaks."  
  
Harry could cope with things being said about him, but against his parents was a whole other story. He felt the anger boil in his stomach and screamed, "They are not freaks, and they are twice the person that you could ever be. And if my father was here right now he would make you regret everything you just said!!!!!!!"  
  
"That's enough boy," Vernon screamed.  
  
With that Vernon charged Harry and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. He dragged him to the cupboard under the stairs. He opened the door and punched Harry hard. Harry fell back into the small cupboard. Vernon raised his leg and kicked Harry in the stomach.  
  
"You will stay in there until I say so, and I swear if I hear one PEEP out of you you won't be able to walk for a month," Vernon screamed, his face flushed with anger.  
  
With that he slammed the door to the cupboard. Harry heard Vernon lock the door. He tried to sit up from his position on the floor but the pain in his stomach and head would not let him. Silently he began to cry. Tears and blood poured down his face. "Why?" Harry asked silently to him, "Why do I have to hurt so much all the time, why????"  
  
Slowly he felt the blackness wash over him. He gratefully fell into unconsciousness. 


	2. I want my GodFather

Vernon let Harry out of the cupboard four days later. Harry then got another beating for having urinated on himself and, in Vernon's words "Making a mess again."  
  
Harry stumbled into the bathroom. Vernon had kicked Harry's leg, hard, and Harry could barely walk on it. He washed up and went to his room. He changed out of his old, dirty clothes and put on a pair of Dudley's old pajamas that were about ten sizes too big for Harry. He lay in his bed and closed his eyes, only to be assaulted by another dream.  
  
He felt himself flying through the air looking for the snitch. He saw Cedric laughing as they both tried to catch it. Then Cedric's happy face turned to one of terror. The background changed, they were no longer on the quidditch field, and they were in the graveyard.  
  
"Kill the spare…" echoed through the air.  
  
Cedric fell to the ground, eyes cold and dead.  
  
Cedric's body changed to that of Ron. Then Hermione. Then Sirius……. All dead, all staring at him with those cold, dead eyes.  
  
Harry woke with a start, tears pouring down his face. He stumbled over to his school supplies and grabbed some ink, parchment and a quill and wrote.  
  
Sirius,  
  
I need you.  
  
-Harry  
  
He tied it to Hedwig's leg and sent her off. He didn't know what the letter would do and he hoped to God it would not get Sirius in trouble but he didn't know what else to do. He needed someone right now, someone who could hug him and tell him it would be all right. He knew he was dying in this house; it was like his essence was draining away. "I want my God Father," Harry thought, crying, "God, I'm such a baby, but I don't know what else to do. I just want all this pain to stop." 


	3. I’m not living, I’m existing

Disclaimer: I STILL don't own anything, unfortunately, cause if I did I wouldn't have to worry about all the debt my college tuition is causing me.

Author's note: Thanks to all the people that reviewed!!!!! I tried to make this chapter a bit longer. I hope you like it…. Oh and be ready it definitely gets worse for Harry before it gets any better! Reviews welcomed and appreciated, this is still my first HP fanfic.

Chapter 3

"I'm not living, I'm existing"

The next week past dreadfully slowly for Harry. From the moment he woke up till the moment he went to sleep he hoped and prayed for Sirius to come. He hadn't heard a word from him since he had sent the letter. Part of him wanted to hit himself for being so foolish. If his letter caused Sirius to get in any trouble he would simply die! But he needed Sirius. He needed a friendly face. Ever waking hour, and even in his dreams, he was surrounded by those who hate him. He had never felt so alone in the world. "Funny," Harry thought to himself " Before I left for Hogwarts I never felt lonely. I didn't have any friends or anyone who loved me but I never felt this emptiness until now. I guess I couldn't miss what I didn't knew existed. God, I wish Sirius was here.'

            At that moment, Hedwig flew through the window. Harry jumped up to greet his owl and quickly untied the letter from her leg. It was from Sirius.

            _Harry,_

_                        I hope you are ok. Who am I kidding I know you aren't. I wish I could be there for you Harry, I would give anything just to be there to help you but I can't come Dumbledor won't allow it. I sent him a letter the minute I received your owl saying I was going to visit you but he forbid me to come. He is worried about You-Know-Who finding your whereabouts I suppose. I know he has his reasons Harry, but I wish to God he would let me come see you. Normally I would just come anyway but he told me how much danger you would be in if I did. Harry, I know something is wrong right now, but I would never forgive myself if my coming put you in more danger. You do realize that, right? School is really just around the corner; do you think you can hold off till then? I promise I'll see you when school starts. You can write to me every day if you want, just send it to Remus so no one gets suspicious.  I am so sorry Harry. Please forgive me for not answering your call for help. Be brave._

_                                                            -Snuffles_

Harry sat on his bed holding the letter. "Sirius isn't coming," Harry, said to himself in disbelief, "Maybe he doesn't care about me. He is just like everyone else. They use me because I'm the Boy Who Lived. I am supposed to be the one that can some how stop Voldemort. No one cares about me. It's like I'm some magic object. I am not a real person to anyone. I guess I really am all alone." Tears spread down Harry's face as he lied in his bed, "I really am all alone…"

The next week was a blur to Harry. It was as if he couldn't really feel anything. He was numb. That was good though, as Vernon's beatings became more regular. Harry never fought back though. Never said a word to any one of the Dursleys. He went about his chores, ignoring the world as it had ignored him. 

Then one day Harry awoke in the middle of the night with a start. He clutched his burning scar. His vision, blurred with pain, focused on the window. Outside, in the spot where his neighbor's house once stood was a gapping hole, with the dark mark shining menacingly in the air. 

For a moment Harry stood, dumbstruck, looking out the window. "Death Eaters are here," his mind screamed, pulling him out of his stupor. He jumped as he heard his front door creak open. Steps ascended the stairs. Harry froze, his eyes fixated on the door. He heard a door open and then the screams of his aunt and uncle could be heard. Harry began to shake as he heard another door open; this time it was Dudley who screamed. Slowly the person's steps could be heard coming towards Harry's door. Harry quickly jumped to where his trunk was and pulled out his wand. He held it shakily in front of him waiting to defend himself.

The door creaked open and before Harry stood a death eater. Harry quickly yelled _Expelliarmus_ and, to Harry's amazement, managed to disarm the death eater. 

"Potter, if you don't mind I'll need my wand back in order to save your sorry hide," Grumbled the voice from behind the mask.

Harry recognized that voice though…"Professor Snape??" Harry asked in a very small voice.

The Death eater removed his mask to reveal a very angry looking Severus Snape. "Yes Potter, brilliant ascertain as usual. Now grab your things we are leaving."

"What? What do you mean, what's happening?" Harry asked.

"Quickly boy, there is no time to explain here," Snape ordered," Grab your school supplies we must go now before the rest of the Death Eaters arrive!"

"But I don't understand…." Harry mumbled.

"NOW Potter!" Snape growled garbing Harry by the collar of his shirt "If you value your life at all you will gather your things quickly and quietly. We don't have time for explanations but if you want to live then you better follow my orders."

Harry quickly gathered his belongings. He didn't know what was going on but he had never seen Snape act like this before. Angry and mad yes, but he seemed to have a sought of nervousness about him tonight. Like something really bad could happen at any moment. Something very bad that Harry did not want to be near when it occurred.

            "I have all my stuff Professor Snape," Harry called when finished gathering his supplies and Hedwig.

            "Ok, good," with a flick of the wand Harry's belongings shrunk to the size of a paperclip. Snape picked it up and put it in his pocket. He then pulled out, what seemed to be a normal quill. "It's a port key, grab a hold with me it should be activated any minute now."

            Harry grabbed a hold and felt the familiar pulling sensation. When it stopped he opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. He stood before a large manor. Very dark and dreary, like the ones you see in those old vampire movies.

"Welcome to the Snape Manor," Snape said gruffly, "Come inside quickly boy."

"Why am I here," Harry asked.

"Inside first, then I will answer your questions."

            Harry followed Snape inside the manor. Snape led him to an upstairs bedroom and set his belongings on the floor, grown to their original size.

            "I cannot go into details about the situation right now. Let's just say your position was… compromised, I was sent to remove you before Lord Voldemort attacked. You will be staying here with me for the rest of the summer. I am sure you are not pleased with the situation, but neither is I. Headmaster Dumbledor thought that this would be the best place for you. Because… well…" Snape struggled to complete the sentence.

"Because you are a death eater, well a former death eater and this would be the last place Voldemort would look for me." Harry said.

"10 points for Gryffindor Mr. Potter." Snape said with a smirk, "It's late, go to sleep, we will finish this conversation in the morning."

Snape walked towards the door and stopped suddenly. He turned to Harry and said, "Don't send any owls yet either Potter, we want you to be invisible right now let's not draw attention to ourselves."

            With that he shut the door. Harry looked around the room. It was quite big with a large four-poster bed in the middle, much like the ones at Hogwarts. Harry sank into the bed trying to make sense of what just happened. "Well," Harry thought," It's simple enough. Voldemort found out where you were and Snape was sent to retrieve you and now you will be spending the summer with him trying to act as 'invisible' as possible. Can't have the Boy Who Lived getting captured now can they? I wish I could be with Sirius, but I can't. They won't let me. They really should stop calling me the Boy Who Lived because I'm not living, I'm existing."

            Harry rolled over in bed and fell into a restless sleep.             


	4. Snape’s discovery

Disclaimer: I STILL don't own anything, unfortunately, cause if I did I wouldn't have to worry about all the debt my college tuition is causing me.

Author's note: I know, I know my chapters are still short, but I try to write these in between classes and I don't have that much time to do it so you will have to forgive me. Keep those reviews coming!!!

Chapter 4

Snape's discovery

            Harry awoke the next morning and sat up in his bed. "Great, this wasn't a dream, I really am with Snape," He grumbled as he got out of bed. He quickly changed into some clothes and, upon search, found a bathroom connected to his bedroom. He washed up and sat down on a chair by the window. He opened the blinds and stared outside. He didn't know what part of England he was in, heck he didn't even know if he was still in England, but the view was wonderful. He could see miles and miles of wilderness; it was quite a sight to see. 

            He was pulled from him musings when someone knocked on the door. "Come in," Harry called, surprised, he was never used to people knocking at the Dursley's.

Snape came in and said "Good morning, it's time for breakfast…" He then stopped talking abruptly. He walked closer to Harry, his eyes narrowed in concentration. "What happened to your face boy," Snap whispered.

            "Oh no!" Harry thought, " He can see the bruises now that I'm standing in the light. He can't find out what happened. I would never live this one down! How embarrassing! All of Hogwarts will know was a wimp I am."

            "I asked you a question Potter," Snape growled.

            "Ummmm, it's nothing, I fell. I'm clumsy it's no big deal," Harry said as he turned back around to face the window.

            " Potter," Snape said as he grabbed Harry by the shoulder in an attempt to turn him around. 

            "Ouch," Harry screamed and jumped back away from Snape, out of his grip.

            "Another…. Accident I presume," Snape said, looking at Harry.

            "It's nothing, leave me alone I'm fine," Harry exclaimed.

            Snape glared at Harry for a moment. "Fine," he said "I'm sure you are quiet a clumsy boy. But, if you want me to fix your injuries, as I am sure they aren't pleasant, I will need to see them all."

            "No, it's fine, they don't hurt much."

            "Oh, how silly of me, I made that seem like a request not an order." Snape frowned, "While you are living at my house it is my job to take care of you, whether you like it or not. Now remove your shirt so I can see the rest of your injuries. NOW"

            Slowly, Harry took of his shirt. He had never felt so embarrassed, so ashamed before in his life. Snape looked closely at Harry's bruises and cuts. He had what looked like whip marks on his back, possibly from a belt, and his front was covered with an array of bruises. "Are these all of them?" Snape asked, quietly.

            "My left leg has been hurting me," Harry said as he pulled up his pants leg.

            "Well Potter, I can fix most of these injuries with a simple potion, though I doubt you know which one as you never pay attention in my class…."     

            "Curationis," Harry whispered.

            "What did you say?"

            "Curationis, that's the potion you are talking about right." Harry asked meekly.

            "Hmmm, indeed I am," Snape said with a slight smile," Now put your shirt back on and follow me, I will prepare the potion and then we shall eat breakfast."

            Harry quickly complied and followed Snape out of the room. "That was weird,' Harry thought, "He didn't laugh or mock me or anything. I mean, he was almost being nice to me. But that can't be possible, I mean he's Snape he hates me." Harry looked around the hallways as he followed Snape to the dining room. It actually was quiet a nice home. Old, yes, but not anything he would expect Snape to live in. It didn't have that dark and dreary look the dungeons had. 

            Snape led Harry into the dining room. "Wait here, I shall be back shortly with the potion." Harry sat in a chair as Snape left the room. A few minutes later Snape returned with a gold goblet filled with the steaming potion. "Drink all of this," Snape commanded.

            Harry looked at the goblet with uncertainty. "Don't worry," Snape laughed, "I didn't put vertiserum in it. Now just drink it so we can eat breakfast."

            Harry pinched his nose and swallowed the potion in a manner of seconds. He felt this incredibly warmth spread over him. It lasted a few minutes and when it stopped Harry felt much better. He picked up the side of his shirt and saw that all the bruises were gone. As much as he said to Snape tat the bruises were nothing, they really did cause him a great deal of pain. Harry looked up at Snape and said "Thank you."

            Snape seemed to be taken aback by Harry's display of gratitude, but quickly composed himself and replied "You are quiet welcome Potter, Now let's eat."

            With a wave of his wand the table filled with all sorts of breakfast foods. Snape took a seat at the other end of the table and began to eat. Harry took a bit of eggs, quietly ate it and put his fork down.

            "Is that all you are eating," Snape asked.

            "Yes sir," Harry replied," I am not that hungry." The truth was, Harry was not used to eating anything close to that much food. Although he was starving, that small but of eggs filled him up quiet nicely. He was not used to being able to eat so much food. Especially after this summer with the Dursleys.

            "You are skin and bones Potter," Snape growled, "I insist you try and eat more. I only wonder with those stupid muggles were feeding you"

            "They weren't feeding me anything," Harry mumbled and then stopped in shock that he said that out loud. He looked over at Snape who was looking intently at him but was saying nothing. Harry quietly put some more food on his plate and forced himself to eat some more while thinking to himself  "This is going to be a long summer."


	5. Explanations and Nightmares

Disclaimer: I STILL own nothing

Author's notes:  Anything in italics is a dream sequence. Thanks for everyone who reviewed! It's so cool to know that people are actually READING my fanfic!!!!

Chapter 5

Explanations and Nightmares

            After breakfast Snape waved his wand again and removed the remaining food. "Now Potter, I will explain to you the situation more in detail. As I told you last night, Voldemort discovered your location and how to break the magical protections around your house. By destroying your neighbor's house the Ministry of Magic had to come to "clean up" the mess. Those idiots removed the barriers around your house in order to perform the memory charms effectively on you relatives. I knew Voldemort was planning to attack when this occurred so I informed Headmaster Dumbledor. He is the one that sent me to get you. I put memory charms on your relatives; they will remember only that you had to leave for school early. Now, as far as your situation here. No one must discover your whereabouts or it would mean horrible things for both of us. No one besides Headmaster Dumbledor and me knows where you are. You will behave while here Potter and when school begins you can go back to living your normal, famous, life."

"No one knows where I am?" Harry said in a small voice.

"That is correct Potter."

"Did they even ask where I was?"

"I would imagine that godfather of yours is ready to kill Headmaster Dumbledor for not telling him."

"Maybe…" Harry shrugged.

            Once again Snape glared at Harry. "Something is not right with this boy," thought Snape, " not right at all."

"I will take you back to your room. Unfortunately, I have some important errands I must attend to today. You must stay in your room while I am gone. I don't want you wandering around the manor before I give you a tour of it, you'll most likely get trapped in a secret passage or something." Snape said.

            Harry followed Snape back to his room. Harry spent the rest of his day alternating between doing homework and gazing out the window. Lunch appeared on the table by his bed at 1:00. Harry ate his full of lunch and went back to staring out the window. Although he was bored, he would rather be doing nothing than doing all those chores the Dursley's would give him. At around 6:00 he heard a knock at his door. "Come in," Harry called. Snape entered the room, carrying a package in his hand. "These are for you," Snape said as he placed the package on the bed. 

"What is it," Harry asked.

"Clothes, I couldn't help but notice the condition of the ones you are wearing now. Is that the style, wearing clothes too big for you?"

"No sir, these are my cousin's old clothes."

"Oh, that whale of a boy…. Well I can see why they don't fit you. No bother, dress in the new ones and then come down for dinner. You do remember how to get to the dining room?"

"Yes sir," Harry said. With that Snape left the room. Harry opened the package to find a stack of jeans and some t-shirts. Harry quickly dressed. The clothes, magic by design he surmised, altered to the perfect size as soon as he put them on. It felt nice to have clothes that actually fit him but he couldn't help but feel weird wearing something that Snape bought him. After he got dressed he went to the dining room.

Dinner was the same a breakfast, a large array of food all prepared perfectly. Harry made sure to take a little more on his plate then he did at breakfast, as he still was under the watchful eye of Snape. They ate in silence until Harry finally spoke up. He was curious about something and he could not hold that curiosity in any longer. "Professor Snape, why are you being so nice to me?"

"He does speak," Snape said laughing, "It does amaze me how you seem to never stop talking at school, but here you are as quiet as a mouse. Anyway, I already answered your question boy. As long as you are under my roof you are under my care."

"But, you hate me, don't you?"

"Oh course I don't hate you boy. There are many other people in this world more deserving of my hate."

"But, you always so mean to me in potions."

"If you hadn't noticed Potter, I act the same towards all Gryffindors."

"But why?"

"Simple Potter, everyone praises the Gryffindors. All that praise could go to one's head. When one thinks that highly of themselves only bad things can come of it. When you think you are the best you think you are indestructible and above the law, both things could get you killed."

"But why then are you so nice to the Slytherins?"

"I am sure you know Potter that many of the world's darkest wizards have come from the Slytherin house. While many people shun all Slytherins for that I do quiet the opposite. People create this stereotype that everyone in Slytherin is evil and the people within that house buy into that stereotype and become evil not because they want to, but because the wizard society says they should. I am nice to my house in hopes that they will see that not everyone despises them because they are in Slytherin so hopefully they won't turn to dark magic. I am harder on your house for the same reason so you know that everyone doesn't think you are perfect, that you have to strive to prove your worth and along the way making sure you stay away from dark magic. Does that make any sense to you?" 

"I think so. You are nice to the Slytherin's to show them that good wizards have faith that they will also become good wizards and you are mean to the Gryfinndors to show us that we are not above the rules in hopes that we won't turn to dark magic."

"Exactly.'

"Well, I guess that makes sense. I suppose I shouldn't be so mean to the Slytherins then. It's not their fault they have these stereotypes thrown on them."

Snape smiled proudly, "Ten points Harry, ten points for Gryfinndor. Now off to bed, it's late."

"Thank you again Professor."

"For what?" Snape asked.

"For answering my questions truthfully. For treating me like a person."

"You are welcome, Mr. Potter. Good night."

"Good night." 

            Harry went back to his room and changed into pajamas and then climbed into bed. With a full stomach and no longer aching with the pains of is uncle's beatings sleep claimed him fast.

            _Cedric lay on the ground, dead eyes staring at Harry, accusingly. Harry saw his godfather come out of the midst "You killed him, what kind of godson are you. James would be so disappointed."_

_"No, I didn't mean it"_

_"Yes you did, you couldn't deal with Cedric being better than you so you killed him."_

_"No, I'm sorry I didn't mean it," Harry screamed as he ran to his godfather._

_"Don't touch me, you are not my Godson, you are not James' son, you are a monster!"_

_"No please don't, please I'm sorry, don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone again!!!!!!!"_

"HARRY, wake up boy," Snape screamed, waking Harry from his nightmare.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"You were having a nightmare. I could hear you all the way from my bedroom. Are you all right boy?" Snape said, once again staring at Harry. Harry looked horrible. His thin face was covered in sweat and tears. His green eyes shone with fear and despair.

"I'm fine," Harry said monotonously as he wiped his face, "Sorry I woke you sir."

"It's not a problem Harry," Snape said, surprised that once again he called Harry by his first name. He looked again at the boy. He looked so fragile. Snape whispered, "You are not ok, are you?"

Tears filled Harry's eyes and he hung his head in shame. "No, everything is wrong."

"Harry, I know you are not thrilled about staying here but it is for your own good."

"It's not that! I'm just tired of people deciding what is good for me! I just want a normal life. I want my Godfather and I want him to want me!" Harry broke down sobbing. Weeks of mental and physical abuse caught upon with Harry and he could no longer keep it inside anymore. 

Then, much to Harry's surprise, Snape put his arm around Harry and whispered, "Harry, where is that Gryffindor bravery? You must be strong. Do it for Sirius, do it for everyone you care about. You have to hold it together. I can only imagine what you have been through and I don't expect or need you to tell me but I swear boy I will not let you give up. I will help you through this. I too know what it feels like to be alone, although, you may not realize it now but you have so many people who care for you. But know this Harry, from now on I will be there for you. I was a fool. I thought you lived a spoiled life. From what I can surmise from your appearance, Potter, you live anything but that. But don't worry, I will not give you my pity, I know you don't want that. But you will get my help. As I said before, you are under my care while you are here and I plan to take very good care of you."

            Harry looked up at Snape with gratitude. "He seems to care," thought Harry in disbelief. He was speechless but managed to mumble out a small "Thank you."

            "No need for that Harry. You deserve to be cared for. Now go to sleep I will stay here until you are settled."

            Harry let exhaustion take him over and he feel into a deep slumber. He woke up several times that night by nightmares, but each time Snape was there to tell him it was just a dream. Harry didn't know what to make of the new, nice, Snape but he was very grateful he was caring.


	6. Just Give Me A Chance

Disclaimer: I STILL own nothing

Author's notes: Yeah, so I'm supposed to be writing a paper on Chekov for my Russian Lit class….. but instead I decided to write another chapter. Hope you like it (It is a little sappy, but I promise soon the story will have more adventure in it). Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the best!

Chapter 6

"Just Give Me A Chance"

            Harry Potter felt the heat of the morning sun as it shone on his skin. He sleepily opened his eyes and yawned. "I must have slept in or something," Harry thought," I haven't felt this rested since…well, for awhile." He stretched out on the bed, happy and content.

             Unfortunately, his peacefulness was interrupted when the wave of memories from the previous night assaulted him. "Oh my God," thought Harry in dismay, "Snape know about the nightmares. What was I thinking last night?!?! I can't believe I broke down like that."

            His eyes quickly scanned the room and fell upon his professor. He was staring out the window, standing very still. He had not yet noticed the now awake Harry. Harry stared intently at him as he stood in the sunlight. "I suppose he doesn't look that evil or bad or anything," Harry thought, "In this light his hair doesn't look that greasy or anything. His skin looks pale, but not ghastly pale like in the dungeons. He can't really be all that bad. I mean, he didn't laugh at me or anything AND he tried to comfort me… Oh Harry you are so stupid! Of course he was trying to help you. He said his job was to take care of you while living with him. It's his job to watch over you. This doesn't change anything between us; he could still hate me for all I know. I mean, I'm grateful he was nice and all but I shouldn't get too attached. He will just end up leaving me alone when school starts. Everyone just ends up leaving me alone."

            Snape slowly turned around, "Oh, I see you are awake now. Get dressed and come down for breakfast, we will talk then."

            Harry slowly nodded and Snape left the room. "What did he mean by 'talk'," thought Harry, "I mean, what is there to talk about?" Harry quickly got dressed and headed towards the dining room. Once there he filled his plate, a little more then the previous day, and slowly ate, dreading the conversation Snape was about to have with him.

            "Potter…. I mean Harry," Snape said, struggling to find the correct words, "You will have to forgive me, I am not used to taking care of teenagers. Teaching them is one thing, but anything other then that and I am a bit lost. I have been thinking though. I think it would be best for you if you tell me about these dreams you have been having. I know you don't want to but Dumbledor always says that talking helps."        

"I don't want to talk about them," Harry mumbled, "Can't you just give me a dream-less sleep potion. I mean, they are easy to make and all. I'll even pay for the ingredients."

"As much as I love potions Harry, I refuse to make one that will help you avoid your problems. You should not have to spend the rest of your days addicted to a potion, reliant upon it."

"Listen, I know you are trying to help and all but I just don't want to have to think about it. I have to think about it every night, I don't want to have to think about it during the day.'

Snape frowned, "This is going to be more difficult then I thought. Harry, I do want to help you. You do understand that, right?"

Harry looked coldly at Snape, "Yes, because I'm under your care. You wouldn't want me to go back to school with problems. Everyone will think you did a bad job taking care of me."

Snape let out a deep sigh, "Harry, I am human you know. I don't want to see you suffer. I may not be your godfather or even a friend but I do want to try and help you."

Harry looked in Snape's eyes, trying to figure out if Snape really meant what he said, if he really wanted to help Harry. "He did stay with you last night," Harry thought, "He wouldn't make the dreamless sleep potion. I mean, that would have been the easy way out for him… maybe he does care.  Only one question remains then…."

"Why?" Harry asked Snape.

"What do you mean, why?"

Tears started to fill Harry's eyes and he bowed his head and whispered, "I just don't understand. I have spent the whole summer like this, in all this pain. Why are you the first person to ask? Why are you, a person I considered my enemy, caring while everyone else looks away. My own godfather wouldn't come when I needed him. I just don't understand how everyone I considered my friends aren't here when I need them. I don't understand anything any more."

Snape stared at Harry dumbstruck. "How can I reassure him that he is cared," Snape thought, "He is the boy-who-lived, everyone loves him! I am the wrong person to deal with this. He needs his godfather. But, that's impossible right now. I guess I'll have to just try to calm him down and pray that Dumbledor will allow visitors soon."

            Snape stood up and slowly walked over to Harry, who still hung his head low as silent tears made the way down his cheek. Snape put one arm around the boy, as he had down the night before. He was quite taken aback though when Harry jumped from the chair and hugged Snape, sobbing into his robes. Snape froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally, he simply rubbed the boys back, whispering, "It will be alright. Just cry it out."

            And Harry did. All the pain, the anger, the frustration that had been building up all summer was released in his sobs. He didn't know why he was hugging Snape, but he didn't want to think about that right now. He needed Snape at that moment, although he did not know why.

            Snape continued to hold Harry and let him cry until his eyes could shed no more tears. Snape then lifted Harry's chin so that his eyes were looking straight into his and said, "Believe what you will Harry but I know your godfather and your friends care very much for you. Circumstances have prevented them from showing that love. If you can only imagine what they are going through right now. They know you are in pain Harry, and I guarantee you that if at all possible they would be here for you right now. Unfortunately, I am the only one here. I know we were not friends in the past but please give me a chance to gain your trust Harry. I was wrong to think you would just pour you innermost secrets onto me when you don't even consider me a friend and I am sorry for that. All I ask of you now is that you give me a chance and I promise I will not put that chance to waste. Harry Potter, I will not betray you. I hope one day you will believe that."

            Harry looked at Snape with uncertainty. He couldn't even think straight right now. He had so many emotions coursing through him. But, he couldn't turn Snape away. After all, he was the only one he had right now. "OK Professor, I'll give you that chance."

"Please, it's Severus, Harry. We are not in school yet," Snape said smiling.

"OK then, Severus."

Author's second note: OK, I have to go back to writing my paper for Russian literature. I hoped you liked this chapter. I had a really hard time writing it because, in my opinion, Snape wouldn't be THAT good at comforting children… he doesn't seem the emotional type. I don't think I characterized Snape very well the last chapter so I am trying to make amends. I hoped you liked it!


	7. Snape Manor

Same disclaimer from all the other chapters…

Author's notes: SORRRRYYYY it took so long for a new chapter. This one is leading to something bigger sooo be prepared! I always get sooo mad when writers don't update fast and here I am doing the SAME thing   sorry, stupid finals. Don't my professors know that their finals are interfering with my fan fiction writings. Hehehehe. I WILL write another chapter sometime today or tomorrow I PROMISE. So enjoy, and PLEASE review, I LOVE reviews they make me happy 

Snape Manor 

"Now then, let me finally give you a tour of my abode. You have free reign around most of the house. I only ask that you stay out of my room and my office unless you are looking for me," Severus said, " Now follow me."

            Harry nodded and followed Severus around the mansion. 

"This is the library," Severus said as they turned into a new room, "While you are here you might as well study on your free time." Harry's face turned sour at the thought of studying all summer. "However," Severus smiled watching the boy's reaction, "I have some more books here for entertainment purposes." Severus led Harry towards the back of the library. Harry stared, dumbfounded, as they walked deeper through the stacks of books. "Hermione would love this place," Harry thought. Finally they stopped at the other end of the room. There were couches and chairs next to a large bay window. Severus led Harry to one of the shelves near the window and pointed to a large shelf of books. "These are some Quidditchbooks I have accumulated over the years. Although I am not sure I should let you read them. I am getting awfully tired of watching Slytherin loose to your house," Snap sighed, "But I know when you are bored you manage to find trouble so I'll let you look at them."

            Harry looked at the shelf of books. There were hundreds of books on Quidditch. Harry felt the excitement rise in his throat. He could not wait to get into these.

            Snape grinned at the boy as he gawked at the books. "If there is one thing I know about teenage boys is their love for this sport," He thought to himself. "Now Harry, onto the rest of the house."

            Harry was surprised to see how many rooms were actually in the manor. There had to be at least 15 bedrooms, all with their own bathroom. Harry also discovered that the house had a series of intricate secret passages. Severus pointed out some to him and told him that he may have some fun later on and discover the rest. Harry did get a look at Severus' room, which was not at all like he expected. He was picturing something like the dungeons at school. In actuality, however, the room was quite nice. 

            Harry's favorite room however, well maybe second favorite since all he could think about were those Quidditch books, was the potions room. In the basement Severus had this large laboratory of sorts. Harry thought that it came right from a science fiction movie. Potions seemed to be brewing all over the place. "Now Harry," Severus said dragging Harry away from his thoughts, "Please don't touch anything that I may be working on down here. As you know some potions take a long time to brew and I would be very upset if I had to start all of these from scratch again. That potion back there, the purple one, has been brewing for about four years now and the slightest tap against the cauldron could set the potion off and cause a rather large explosion. Am I making myself clear."

"Perfectly, I'll make sure to stay away from the purple-likely-to-explode-at-any-time potion."

Severus laughed, "That's a good boy."

            When they finished the tour of the house Severus informed Harry that he had to run some more errands and that he would be back later. "Sir, One more thing before you go," Harry said, "You showed me the inside of your house, but what about the outside?"

Snape sighed, "Harry, I am sorry but it is for your best interests that you do not go outside. I cannot have anyone notice that you are here. Actually, while we are on the topic we have to make up a bit of a warning system if I get any unexpected visitors. Hmmm, I suppose a simple charm will work. I can arrange it so that whenever someone else besides me enters this home you will here a ring. Only you will be able to hear it. When you hear it I expect you to find a suitable place to hide. Or better yet, how about you carry that invisibility cloak around with you. Also, carry your wand. One thing you should know Harry is that a good wizard is never without his wand. I am sorry for these precautions but your presence here must remain secret."

"OK, I understand. I'll make sure to carry the cloak around with me," Harry promised, "But sir, as for the wand, I am not allowed to do magic outside of school."

"Right, well, if you happen to find yourself in a situation where you have to use it I'm sure the Ministry will be forgiving. Besides I wouldn't want you to get expelled on a formality like that. I have so many more fun years of making your potions class a period of hell." Harry chuckled at this. "Anyway, I must be on my way. I'll set the charm before I leave. Now that you know the house feel free to roam it. I will be back later." With that Severus swept from the room. As soon as Severus had left the room Harry bolted to his room, grabbed his invisibility cloak and wand, and then ran to the library, pulled a Quidditch book from the shelf, and began to read. Harry thought to himself as he flipped through the book, "Maybe this summer won't be that bad after all."


End file.
